A Turtle Hump'n a Ball.....WAIT is that TURTLE D*CK?!?!?!? WTH?!?!

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OMG OMG OMG (I just threw up in my mouth)!!! This is the nastiest shit I've ever seen in my life! Who'da thought something so little, so MEEK, would have a johnson like that!!!!! DUDE... A TURTLE IS HUNG!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWW, and did u see it?!?!?!? It's fugging ugly as hell! It looks like the fucking alien resurrection! EWWLK, it looked like it was fucking breathing man (OH GOD.....HAND OVER MY MOUTH.....I'm gonna EARL!!) I swear I will never frickin look at a turtle the same.......DAT SHITS HELLA NASTY!!! There goes call'n lil "meat" turtle d*cks!!!! 

Iphone Autocorrect Malfunctions.........LMFAO!!!

So apparently there is this website called www.damnyouautocorrect.com, where people post text messages they've sent via their iphone, and the autocorrect'r changed a word or two within the text to what it thought it should be! Talk about some embarrassing yet funny ass shit.....Take a look!!!!!!!   

CTFU!!!! The first one is funny as shit! Can u imagine getting some shit like that from ur Daddy?!?!?!? Like how the hell do you respond to that????? I'da prolly just ignored it like I never even got a text! LOL LOL LOL LOL  

Single Again....Back on the Prowl.............

Shot out to my homegirl…….on her new found independence! After 14 years of marriage……she’s single again…back on the prowl (in my Trina voice….hips rolling to the music)!! When I asked her how it feels to be single after all those years, she replied, “It's like a refresher course of life. Now I can define who Toya is. For so long I've accommodated everyone else's feelings and expectations. For once I'm putting my needs and wants above all the rest!” I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT!!!! DO THE DAYUM THING GIRL!! Self should always come first! It’s impossible to make someone else happy if you are not happy! Once you’ve identified whats keeping you unhappy, u have to face it dead on…..DON'T RUN FROM IT…..Because it won’t go away. It follows you. You have to remove it and make that change! And once you’ve changed…… everything and everyone around you will change too! But it all starts with SELF!!!! After 14 years ma, consider that shit time PAID IN FULL!!!! I love u, Lady T….MWAH!!!!

Sunrise: 8/28/1958

Sunset: 6/25/2009

Gone But Never Forgotten

R.I.P

Jay's Boys Can Swim..... An Addition to the Knowles-Carter Empire!!

YES I AM still on Bey and Mr. Carter expecting!!! They are my most FAVORITEST people! If u don’t like it…..GET OFF MY BLOG!!!! LMAO!! But seriously I am so fricking excited! I was standing on the couch last night when she preformed! She definitively STOLE the VMA’s last night! Nothing else mattered after that performance (@ least not to me!!!) LMFAO that’s all the WORLD was buzzing about…..who cares who came on or won an award after THAT! B KILT THAT SHIT! As she taunted the audience by telling them, “I want you to stand up on your feet. I want you to feel the love that's growing inside me."………………..THREW DOWN THE MIC and popped open her sparkly jacket and exposed her Belly Bump to the world!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! Jay watched on CHEESING LIKE A PROUD POPPA, as Kanye dapped him up, (in my Jay Z voice) “YEA NIC, MY BOYS CAN SWIM….I DID THAT!!!!!!” LMFAO! I fricking LOVE IT!! U can’t get no higher than that! The two of them together is INSPIRATION…. the empire they share (and are still building) as two young African Americans is phenomenal! Jay Z is more than just a rapper….in fact at this point I’d say rapping is just a HOBBY for him now…..granted its where he started it’s HARDLY what pays his bills and keeps him rubbing shoulders with A(++) listers!  To be a nic from Marcy projects to the man he is now is TRULY only something one can DREAM about! I bet he pinches himself everyday! Lemme break it down for those of you who DO NOT understand who these two really are…..Just cuz your famous doesn’t make you an “A LISTER” U have to cross a certain threshold to be considered  (bending my “quotation fingers”) an “A LISTER”……..Puffy, Diddy (whomever the hell he is this year..LOL), is hardly considered an A lister he is more so in the B category….Weezy he’s an A lister (but in a different caliber…) but JAYZ and BEYONCE they are A+ listers……..they hang with Gwyneth and Chris, Brads and Angelinas…. B and Jay get invited to events at the WHITE HOUSE! B sang at the Inaugural Ball maaaaaaaaan!! And B…......well people can say what they want bout her but truth be told EVERYTHING THAT BITCH DO IS BAD!!!!! She is an ARTIST and real artist can’t be tamed inside a box!!! If you remain the same with the same sound, the same look, etc year after year HOW THE HELL CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF AN ARTIST?!?!? An Artist is defined as a person who CREATES!  And she continuously  invites you to tune your ears into a DIFFERENT kind of sound……..Some of her songs sound like AFRICAN MUSIC, COUNTRY MUSIC, ALTERNATIVE, I can go ON AND ON. You may not like them (the songs) when u first hear them……..…BUT ONCE THAT B GIVES U A VISUAL (a video or a performance…) YOU GOTTA LOVE THAT SHIT!!! Her style is ON POINT, da B is just B….A…D!!! She is FLY effortlessly!!! REAL TALK…… You can HATE all u want to and they have their fair share of haters but at the end of the day when u sit back and think about what the two of them have accomplished TOGETHER and as individuals………..You aint got no choice but to RESPECT THEY GANGSTA!!!!!! End of story……………. BUT I still can’t believe it! Congratulations 100x’s OVER!! Talk about being born with a “silver spoon” in your mouth!!!!!!!!!! TOODLES!

BEYONCE IS FINALLY PREGNANT!!!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!

Beyonce and Jay Z are expecting their first child together!!! yaaaay Im so fricking happppppy! I feel like I know them! She announced the news as she rocked her baby bump on the red carpet at the VMAs!!!! You know she goin be the flyest dressed pregnant bitch on the PLANET!!! LOL LOL YEA! Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Carter!!!! (cheesing super hard!!!!!)

REAL FLASH MOB DANCE IN TARGET......

WTH?!?!?!? Flash Mob dancing is real?!?!?! So wut I'm late but I always thought that was some crap made up for TV. For those of you who don't know a Flash Mob is a large group of people who gather at a public location to perform a pre-defined action, typically a brief dance, and disperse rapidly after the event has concluded. Target shoppers were in for a treat when this flash mob took over the isles dancing to Beyonce's, "End of Time".............it's kinda fly!!! The main guy in the video is Todrick Hall....he was on American Idol. In any event this guys goes around Flash Mob'n in random stores! Me and the kids goin make up a dance and Flash Mob to D'banj "Oliver Twist" in the Walmart off Monument!!!!! FTFO!!!!!!

Krushin on Pink....................

 Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm forever "krushin' on pink" (preferably fuchsia or hot pink but any shade of pink will do)!!!! PINK is my FAVORITE color!!! After all Pink just isn't a color......it's an ATTITUDE! LOL I am most def a "girl" to the bone!!! I bleeeeeed PINK (except when it comes to college football.......I BLEED ORANGE and BLUE!!! GOOOOO GATORS!!!!!) LOL But Def 100% Girlie Girl.....so every now and again I'll post a few of my favorite pink things!!! 

Denim Nail Polish, #RANDOM FAB EARRINGS..... & Kardashian Kolors!!!

Chanel is taking the denim trend to a another level!  It's denim inspired nail polish. The collection will consist of three shades of blue: Blue Rebel, Coco Blue and Blue Boy. The collection will only be available until the end of September!!!

I love these earrings!! I told you right now Im crazy in love with hot pink leopard print...... I just gotta have em!!! 

OOOOO OOOO back on to nail polish news, I read that the Kardashians are adding yet another venture to their resumes! They are coming out with their own collection of nail polish. The girls have teamed up with Nicole OPI to create  Kardashian Kolors!!! The Kardashian's have creatively named each polish to match the colors they would wear.................. From top row left to right in the image above they are: All Kendall-ed Up, Sealed with a Kris, Kim-pletely In Love, Khloé Had a Little Lam-Lam, Kourt is Red-y for a Pedi, Rainbow in the S-kylie. And bottom row, left to right: Disco Dolls, Listen to Your Momager!, Wear Something Spar-kylie, It’s All About the Glam, Follow Me on Glitter, Kendall on the Katwalk, My Empire… My Rules, etc etc etc!!! 

 IDK about you all but I love the Kardashians! I don't really have a favorite I just love em all! I swear they are Armenian covered black girls! LOL! Celeb mags and blogs are always dogging Kim about surgery and ya ya ya, and yea she prolly has had a little bit ...(who in Hollywood hasn't?!?!?!) But truth be told they are ALL stacked up like "BONQUISHA'S"!!!! Even Kourtney's 5 foot nothing self! Besides their shapes, they just got SOUL! And they looooove black men! Even Rob loves a "PRETTY BROWN ROUND" (in my R. Kelly voice).....Did you see where he knocked up that video chic, Rosa Acosta??? Lucky for him she had a miscarriage.........Sux for her! She prolly was like CHA-CHING....MO' MONEY MO'MONEY!!!!! But ERRRRRRRRRRRRR, sorry BITCH gotta stick your fangs in the next MONEY BAG!!!! Better Luck next time! LMAO!!! But hey.... even the little sisters have black boyfriends! Their creamy Armenian skin just blends well with DARK CHOCOLATE! LOL LOL LOL! Well, cept for Kourtney............but Scott gets a pass! He's a fucking Dickhead that means well! The poor guy cant help that he's a TOOL, but hey I like him!!! He seems like one of those people that u either like or fucking HATE! There is no in between with that guy!  AND WELL........ Kourtney frickin loves him!!!!! And one thing you can never do is tell a bitch bout her man!!! When she's had enuff that's when she'll leave......she just hasn't reached her "Breaking Point"! Like Mariah Carey said, ***SINGING*** "And no suuuuuuper glue can fix this shit when I break I break I breeeeak!!" LMFAO,  I BET HE'S HUNG LIKE A BULL!!!!! She's jus DICKMATIZED!!!!!!  But HEY...... is it me or does Kim and Kris (her new hubby) just seem like an ODD BALL COUPLE?!?!?!? IDK if it's because I'm just used to seeing her with a black guy (not that color matters....please never take anything I say out of context, what ever I say I'm being like so for real like its just my honest thought nothing more nothing less! and as long as you read what I'm saying with out being all political and shit you'll be like, "OOOOOOO OOOKAY! I see where she was going with this!" LMFAO!!! I mean I'm jus saying.....I freaking hate when people "READ" into shit...taking it all out of CONTEXT! anyway back to Kim and black guys) but yea idk if its b/c I'm used to seeing her with something dark and handsome (GEEEEEZUS REGGIE REGGIE REGGGGGIE! Shit EVEN RAY J! Ray J can get it EARLY!!! Have u all seen their sex tape?!?!?!? mmmm mmm mmm it's long and it's got girth!! LOL Dude's a definite "HEAVY") ........but something about her and dude (Kris) seems odd! And it's almost like her relationship is FAKE! Like look at their pix together.......They always look like they are posing! Or putting up a front for the camera IDK maybe it's just me! And it doesn't make it no better that dude looks like Frankenstein or freaking Eddie Munster! (sorry Kimmy! But he does!!!)  

WALMARTIANS

LMFAO!! Who the hell created www.peopleofwalmart.com ?????? I'd like to shake their hand! LOL!! There is nothing more entertaining than getting a "Walmartian" email at work after a looooooong boring day! (in my Richard Bey voice....) WHERE DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!? These people are definatly from the stixx somewhere or somewhere where the water is obviously contaminated..........of all the trillions of Walmartian pictures I've ever seen, surprisingly I've never seen any pictures from YULEE or MACCLENNY (Florida)...................Like WTF?!?!?

***NEW VIDEO**** Beyonce 1+1

WELL DAMN IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT...............

*NEW LIL WAYNE VIDEO* & Hey Ma'am.....U SMOKE?????

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FTFO!! She thought they was trying to holla!!! Lol lol lol she had done got her "Yea I know I'm da shit" walk on......smiling and giving them the eye!! LMFAO!! They were dead ass wrong for this!!!!

Anywhoooooo so school has started and u know what that means........ fall is almost here!! I looooooooooooove this years Fall Collection! Have you seen the fabulous boots out this year? www.lulus.com has some super cute shoes! These are hands down some of my favorites! 

OMG and wide leg jeans are back! The skinny flare from Old Navy are the BOMB! They fit so chic! They make you look long and lean and OH SO 70ish! I love em!  I don’t know what it is but I am in love with the whole leopard thing right now! not too much but just a SPLASH of it! HOTPINK LEOPARD is my FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAV tho!   I like to refer to my style as preppy meets funky…….Kinda like if Iron Fist and Arecrombie and Fitch had a BABY! LOL yep that would be me!

BET Pays Tribute to Aaliyah

Tonight marks the 10th anniversary of Aaliyah's untimely death. BET will pay tribute to the talented singer in a one hour special Aaliyah: One in a Million, tonight at 8pm est! Be sure to tune in!!!  

First and foremost congratulations to my girl, “SUCH A F’N LADY”, she got engaged last night!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! (UMMP UMMP UMMP ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!!!!!) LMFAO!! One by one we are slowly losing the original Helmet Hunters members!!!! LOL …….BUT it’s a beautiful thing! We had plenty and fun and COUNTLESS memories (CANCUN 2006………….OOOOOOO SHIT)!!! We def have some stories to tell!! I love you girl and I wish the two of you the VERY BEST!!! MWAH! EH, You know we gotta take a bitch out the game PROP’A (in my MC HAMMER voice)…………..GET READY!!!!!

So Monday night I typed a whole BOOK about the Basketball Wives and the Reunion show but my got’dayum lap top crashed out of NO WHERE and nothing was saved! So SHUT UP I KNOW IM LATE…… BUT I gotta go back to Monday night and the show!!! LMFAO off at Meeka! That bitch is soooooooooooooo TIRED! LOL she reminds me of a JOE ass bitch that wanna be down and will do any and everything to fit in! Matter of fact from here on out I’ma refer to her as Ms. I WANNA BE DOOOOOOOOOOOWN (in my Brandy voice), LOL! I mean c’mon you come in as the newbie…. you was supposed to sit back play part and feel everybody out…….eventually you’da meshed where u fit in. IF you even fit in at ALL!!! Instead, she go in running her mouth trying to be down wit errrrrybody running back telling sh*t and bla bla bla! First off who the hell would wanna be down wit Royce dusty ass???? LOL Boo that nigga paying u entirely TOO MUCH MONEY for u to be on NATIONAL TV looking like a FOOTDRAGGER! I mean money aint gotta change WHO U ARE (since she says she aint never been the one to be wearing Gucci and designer labels) but let’s just be REAL it should definitely keep ya ass out of DOTS AND RAINBOW!!! I mean dayum Ma! LOL Shop Macy’s... BeBe... BAKERS…WHOE! I mean they are hardly the TOPPA TOPPAS but they are an upgrade from that cheap mess she be wearing……..I mean if them places too much (too much as in she still consider that "DOING TOO MUCH") for her ….BOO do ROSS and TJ MAXX! DAYUM cuz round here looking like Body Central’s Top Model is just ridiculous! SMH……(Remember last season when she went to the Fashion Show in that Body Shop dress and them go go boots!!! FTFO (Fall the fuck out…..gotta keep up with my ancronyms)!! OMG NO and this season when she had them shorts on and them WHITE SOCKS pulled up to  her knees!!!!)  WOOOOOOOOOOOW! STR8 DOGHEAD STATUS!!!

LMFAO the producers should of made her sign a “Costume Disclosure” ………..”IF YOU WEAR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN….YOU'RE BARRED FROM BEING FILMED FOR AT LEAST 2WEEKS!” LMAO!  Her clothes aint the only reason she is WACK tho…..its her whole dayum being!  Anywhooooooo back to Ms. I WANNA BE DOOOOOOOOOWN, she said and I quote, (LOL)“ I aint wit pop’n bitches in the head. Bitch I POP BOTTLES!!!!” LOL LOLLOLLOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL ROTF LOL LOL LOL (Mouth wide open)….I WAS LIKE DID THIS WHOE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?!?!? She sounded STUPID as HEYALL! LOL LOL STRAIGHT STUDIO GANGSTA!! She watch too many rap videos……………..WILL THE REAL BIRDMAN JR aka WEEZY F BABY, PLEASE STAND UP!?!?!?! LOL smh and Tami MERKED (MERCKED DEFINED:::: shot her down..killed her…SHAMED THE ISH OUT HER LOL LOL LOL)!! Maaaaaan, why Tami went in on her dude (Speedy) like that??? LOL Tami said BITCH U MADE HIM FAMOUS…..NO ONE EVEN KNEW WHO THE HEYALL DUDE WAS!!! LMFAO OKAY!!!! b/c I sholl aint know! “I GOT A RING, HE GOT A RING (Champion ship ring), we got matching rings (in my Meeka voice)……………….!” LOL BIAOTCH the nics on INJURED RESERVE GOT RINGS TOO! WHATS YA POINT?!?!?!?! LOL LOL LOL ##DEAD!! You so gotta love Tami! Her and Evelyn are my DEF favs! They are bout as REAL as it gets! ######SIDENOTE…..is it me or does Meeka look like one of those pigs from that Angry Birds game?!?!?  

Dude did anyone watch LaLa’s Full Court??? I think that’s goin be my NEW NEW!!! Her and Melo look like they have sooooooo much fun! AWWWWWW to be young, rich and in love (dreamy eyes)!!!! OMG and to see Kelly jus being REAL is refreshing! She seems like she is chill and cool as fug! Riding around on lil Melo’s fourwheeler…..jus being herself! MMMMMMMM, I wonder what Beyonce is like??? Don’t get me wrong I love Bey to DEATH (I have NOTHING bad to say about my girl), but she seems so Robotic…..like does she ever have down time where she becomes “HUMAN” again!?    LOL @ La La and Lil Melo when they showed the scene when he is acting out and La La said, “Can u turn these (the cameras) off for a min??” LOL LOL LOL La La went “momma” on his ass!!! LOL cameras went off and she was like, “NIC I WILL BEAT THE BLACK OFF YA ASS IN THIS BITCH…THINK IT’S A GAME! I’MA GIVE YA LIL ASS SOMETHING TO CRY FOR” LMFAO!!! Aint no secret Lil Melo got his ass tore the eff up when them cameras went off! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL too funny! And Poe …………………Where the hell did they find POE PO’ ASS?!?!?!?

LOL she look like Hector from that cartoon Heathcliff!  LMFAO……..she’s def their flunky! They keep her around to do all the shit they dare not do! LMBAO! They like “WE'RE RICH…MOFO KNOW US…..U RUN DOWN THE STREET NAKED!! U AINT GOT NOTHING TO LOOOOOOOOSE!” LOL pays to have a RE RE on ya team! They’re always great for a few laffs! LOL I tell u what……….next episode somebody better be done slapped her down and combed her dayum hair!